"Hang in there, Strong Girl. Hard times don't last forever. Life Moves on. And so will you".
Scrolling through my Facebook on a typical July morning, when the summer warmth was seeping through my window, I read this quote and I stopped short. Now normally I would see this, turn a blind eye and move on to the next post, but this 'landed' me in the moment suddenly as my mind focused and my body froze with a mix of emotions. Was I sad? Not particularly. Was I exasperatingly happy? Not at all. I was just...stuck. Not sure what to feel, what to think, how to express, nothing made sense anymore, and yet trying to find sense in anything and everything. I look back at the last 15 years and I have a lot to be grateful for, but what am I looking forward to.....I don't know.
Since the onset of COVID, questioning everything seems to be a new 'thing' for me. Maybe our constant pursuit of the next best thing has to do with the fear of acknowledging that the moment is all we have. Is this really it? Focusing on future outcomes provides the promise that there is more, some future scenario where we will be happy. And it’s this attachment to outcomes that pulls us out of the present moment. I read a quote once and something my dad always repeatedly told me: “the future is NEVER guaranteed.” True. And while the mind creates a future to which we cling, our attention is diverted from the very moment in front of us. We miss opportunities for connection—to ourselves, to others, to our environment—because we fail to recognize the insidious nature of the mind’s games. Maybe now is the time for that "mind reset"....
Over the course of the last few months post-COVID, I've seen 'sides' to people that they hadn't recognized they had and I resonate with that feeling...because I have seen my own 'hidden' side come out...my negativity, my anxiety and although I had my doubts, I think I have OCD too. I realized that I got sucked into a momentum all this time, where even I failed to recognize myself on who I had become. I was forced to take a step back.
Extending a helping hand, calling in on family and friends, sketching, writing a blog.....things I took for granted for the longest time. Suddenly all of them has become My need. My want. Writing this blog for instance....always wanted to do it. Never got down to it. Until now.....
As Carrie Bradshaw said...."In life we do things. Some we wish we never had done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn't be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, get it wrong, try to get it right, have wonderful memories, but NEVER ever second guess who you are, where you have been and most importantly, where you are going."
댓글